Weekly Joke and/or Stuff!!!!

• Going to be blunt with you, every week on Wednesday mornings to be exact I will add a joke and/or stuff. Yeah. Don't understand, well tough shit.

First set of jokes are some of my favorites i've heard over the years....

• Rodney Dangerfield-

"I Get no respect, no respect at all. When I was a baby I was breast fed by my father!"

-"Nothing goes good for me, last time I went to the track they shot off the opening gun and killed my horse."

-"My mother wanted to make me a poster child for birth control"

-"Last week I went to the Psychiatrist he told me I'm crazy, I said "I want a second opinion", he says "Okay, you're ugly too"

"I tried marijuana once, just once, I didn't know what I was doing I was high on cocaine"

"I smoked a half a joint. got so hungry I ate the other half"

• Groucho Marx

- "Last night I shot an Elephant in my pajamas, how it got in my pajamas I'll never know."

- "I remember the first time I had sex, I kept the receipt."

- "All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

- "I intend to live forever, or die trying."

• Family Guy Quotes (in light on recent events)

-Bing Crosby "Beat 'em with a sack o' sweet Valencia Oranges; doesn't leave a bruise and shows 'em who's boss"

• Futurama Quotes- (recently used by or told to me)

-Zoidberg "It's good cholesterol but it spreads like bad cholesterol"

- Leader of Bowel Parasites- "I was born here, I raised a cloud of spores here! My ancestors came over here on the sandwich!"

- Bender Bender Rodriguez - "Bite my shiny metal ass"

- Bender Bender Rodriguez - "The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention; now that is IRONY!" http://benderirony.ytmnd.com/ (Go there for 10 seconds of awesometude!)

Th-Th-Th-at's all folks- Porky Pig